One conversation has made up my Monday... It started when I uploaded a photo of me standing on a crossing bridge with tall buildings as the background. One of those tall buildings is an oil company office, Elnusa, and it's written on the top of the building. As a person who fell in love with physics when I was in high school, this company was listed on the top 3 companies I want to sign up. The others were Pertamina, ExxonMobil. Yes, I know, they are all oil companies. Then, in that photo I wrote a caption: Take a picture with my dream company when in high school.
Not long after, a friend of mine responded to that pic and asked if it was an oil company. He is my college mate, which I don't get talk so often, so I got a bit surprised when he sent a text. I replied, yes. He asked further whether I wanted to go to an engineering major. I, again, replied yes. Then he told his past story which quite similar to me.
He said he was accepted in Physics Engineering in ITS (Sepuluh November Institute of Technology) but he decided to move to Accounting in our college because of his parent's wish. On the other hand, I was accepted also in Physics Engineering but in the other institute, ITB (Bandung Institute of Technology), and has also moved to the same college due to family requests. We had the same dream, going abroad representing our institute in an engineering major, going exchange with other universities, etc. It was captivating that I found another person who has similarities like this. But, there is one bold difference between me and him.
When I have to left ITB and entered another college, I got stuck in a desperate condition for years, lamented why my family doesn't support me to pursue my study in my dream U, and comfortably stayed on the lowest point with almost no motivation to climb up. I tortured myself with those bad mindsets and revenge. Although I kept studying my best and pacing on a good track, I keep that bad mindset and couldn't stop blaming them who suggested me to enter this college. I couldn't relinquish my tremendous desire to be in that institute. I couldn't forget every effort I put, every prayer I uttered, each risk I burdened, I simply couldn't move from my old dreams I had been craving for. Now I know, I was childish at that time.
He, impressively, responded to that change of his college-life in a wise way. When I asked him whether he regrets leaving his dream U. He averred firmly that he has no regret for it. Of course not. We already have been graduated, now its time to change the dreams. Those words hardy slapped my face. Then he asked me whether I still have regrets, I answered honestly that yes, I still can't move on, but I am on my way to fully relinquish my old dream. He then answered, sometimes he also feels the same, especially when he sees other friends in other U doing things that he wanted. But, he said, it's time for new dreams , new plans. He is on the way to plan for his next study, now he has a new dream: to pursue his master's degree in the UK, the UK is also my dream! I pray for his dream, I wish he will make it comes true. He also wishes me to pursue my new dream too.
That's it. Change is undeniable. Change, the world never stops changing. He may don't know that his simple words make me realize there is a fact that I don't want to admit for a long time. Now its time to change the dreams. Like the book that I currently read, Self-Driving written by Rhenald Kasali, a driver doesn't afraid of changes while a passenger always loves their comfort zone. A passenger tends to see the pain while a driver tends to see the gain. I see the pain, the hurt feeling, while he sees the gain, the opportunity to pursue a new dream. I blame others, I play as a victim, and do nothing while he acts great, move fast forward.
In my first year of college, I cried so often, being a coward who enters a new world half-heartedly. He, on the other hand, faces changes with a new spirit. He cannot join the science olympiad, so he joins the accounting olympiad. He achieved what he has been dreaming, but in a different major, he still affords and gets what he wants while I just busy with my imagination, dreaming what if I study in my dream U, dreaming things that I know won't happen. He forgets the old dream and gets the new one. He forgets the hurt feeling and gets the new spirit.
Ah, what a wonderful lesson. I have to forget the old ones to get new things. I have to embrace the changes. Be flexible, change when it is supposed to be. When you can't get the diamond, gets the pearl! Thanks for sharing me the lesson, thanks for those simple but so meaningful sentence.
- Februari 02, 2020
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